I have been hovering between two worlds for the better part of this early, quiet morning. The threat of a snow storm had swirled around the hallways of school most of the day yesterday and, last night, the weatherpeople (I feel like they should have their own origin story) kept finding their way into my phone, pinging me with their alarming upgrades from threat to watch to warning. “Anywhere from 2 to 18 inches” was the ominous mantra.
But I can’t stay in this space for long. I have to place my feet firmly onto the cold floor and I must know which path I am on today. Teacher me or mom/wife me. Each has a very different rhythm and pace, and each requires an approach from a surprisingly different angle. While I have always known that the sounds and smells of the spaces clearly marked these worlds unique, it wasn’t until this morning that I considered how very different I am within them.
As a teacher, I am in charge. I am in control. All of the variables are set by me until the throngs of 7th graders infiltrate…and then I am warrior-coach: readjusting, deflecting, supplementing, zigging and zagging from moment to moment, responding to the students’ thoughts, writing, commentary, movement.
But at home? I am at ease. I am sitting, with little tension, absorbing the energy as it comes, retreating if necessary, otherwise, embracing for sustenance. I am intricately ensconced in the vibrations of the four other beings in this world (five, if you include the dog) and the effect that they have on me is all encompassing.
I check the closing list one last time, trying to decipher the patterns. I breathe deeply the energy of this in between space, wondering if the me that inhabits these two disparate worlds can be fused into one, complete Amy.
amyilene 
The contrasts in this piece between your roles is well described. I too dislike the hovering moments of what the day will hold based on the weather. Have a great day no matter what the weather decides to do.
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Seeing someone also from upstate NY made me click on your post, but reading your beautiful words made me linger here much longer. I can completely related to the two very different people at home and school and your post made me stop to appreciate them and possibly connect them. What a gift to read this morning!
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I can also relate to the ways in which we are different at school and at home – you said it so well. I used to hate the tease of a possible school delay or closing due to snow. Living in DC, it was a false alarm, more times than not.
I wonder which self you were today (you didn’t tell us…), or whether you figured out how to be the one composite Amy.
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Ha! I wasn’t sure which way it was going to go, but I am here, at school, trying to hold on to all the disparate pieces of me!
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Amy, this is perfect! I had the same morning. I got home late last night, and secretly, I hoped for some extra time to get ready this morning. I got up really early and thought, I may get a chance to get in a little nap (or big nap with a snow day). It’s so funny to think that we have our “teacher” self and our “home (dad/mom/husband/wife)” self.:)
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I have been there so often! Minnesota has many nights like this – we may have a few more coming up this next week and it is March! Sorry you did not have that more relaxed at home time but I am sure it was good for the kids to be in school. Great post!
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I love this line: “and then I am warrior-coach: readjusting, deflecting, supplementing, zigging and zagging from moment to moment” . It conveys such an image of the frenetic-ness of teaching!
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2-18 inches: wow! That’s a big gap! I really liked the mood and atmosphere of this piece and how it moves from frenetic to peaceful and back again as you consider what it’s like to teach vs what it’s like to be home waiting in that in-between space of not knowing what the day will bring.
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