With Apologies to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

**Inspired by the brilliant women of my “book club”

Denial:  Waking up to the sound of rain, I wonder if the dog can wait just a bit longer.  Giving in to the inevitable, I make my way into the day, recalculating my plans given the extra hour I slept.  Dog outside, coffee brewing, youngest accommodated, I find my space on the couch and begin my “work” for the day.  Posting plans, answering emails, responding to student comments…I think I can figure out how to make this work for the next few weeks!  I schedule my zoom meetings, rework our family calendar to make space for all the zooming, and reach out to a few colleagues who have been heavy on my mind.   I head for another cup of coffee and to help wake the rest of the house so that we can all venture forth.

Anger:  I start to read some of the responses and feelings of frustration begin to build.  I am misunderstood.  I am not communicating well.  Messages are received, but ideas are lost.  What will happen if we don’t go back?  How will I do this for another month? Two?  Why can’t anyone give a straight answer?  One leader (and I use that term loosely) gives one version and another tells a different tale.  Fake news is a thing of the past; now we just have uncertainty and projections and apexes (is that the correct plural?) that roll and move.  How can no one know what is going on?  I am seething and there is no escape because I am locked inside and it is pouring rain.

Bargaining:   Heading to the basement to my faithful treadmill, I promise my kids time and attention.  Later.  I promise my husband time and attention.  Later.  Right now, I have to take care of myself.  If I take care of myself, I will be able to do this.  Whatever this is, I will be able to do it…if I take care of myself.  I know I’m not really trying to cut a deal with the universe, just with myself.  I walk and run and debate the many ways I can spend my time productively, the many silver linings that I can find in this whole catastrophe.

Depression:  I can’t.  I just can’t today.  The plans from early this morning make no sense.  Will the kids even see any of it?  And what about the kids we don’t reach…are they okay?  I have names running through my head, students that I would, on a normal day, make sure I got my eyes on at some point, to make sure they knew I was seeking them out.  But they don’t know.  And I don’t know.  It’s all a big unknown.  And, because I am going down this road, does any of it even matter?

Acceptance: I finish up yet another zoom meeting and then, almost immediately, call my co-teacher (who is also one of my closest friends).  Plans are becoming clearer and I think I can see the progression.  I think we can actually do it…we can develop something that meets the criteria set forth by my district and aligns with my education philosophy.  I see the scope and sequence and I think I can figure out the details.  It may even transfer to this new alternate reality.  I close my computer, silence my phone and open my door.  I prioritize time with my family over another zoom meeting, recognizing that tomorrow is, indeed, another day.